nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior.
I hate and I love, you may perhaps ask why I do this.
I do not know but I feel it happen and I am in torment.
And I am in torment.
And that is what it is exactly. I need you but I hate you. You make me hate myself, even more than I did before and I am in torment. I have trained myself to be your pet and will be forever under your spell. Your rewards are better than your punishment and I have taught myself to look for rewards only, especially when it comes to you. I did something against you today and I cried after because I was scared. Would all my hard work come to nothing? I tried so hard for you.
No one will ever know a thing, no one even suspects it probably. Look at me. As if anyone could. Surely if I was under your spell everyone would know? And that makes me think that maybe I'm not. I'm not yours. I'm happy about that. But I'm not. In some ways, I do want to be entranced because you will reward me above anyone else and then finally I can revel in your prizes and the sweet taste of nothing.
You are nothing. You are barely a thing to me. How could such nothingness have so much control?
You're no good for me but baby I want you.
Help me.
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