I met her agessss ago. And we became the best of friends as soon as she walked over to the lonely 4 yr old me during lunchtime, plonked herself down, pulled out a peanut butter sandwich finished it in two bites, grabbed my hand and twirled me around. She then stuffed all my lunch back into it's container and begged me to play fairies with her. We ran over to the dress up section of the prep classroom and quickly took anything that looked remotely like something girly. I remember a huge pink dress she that drowned her, and a pair of rather fashionable sunnies that slid off my nose. In the afternoon, we dragged our mattresses to the back of the classroom, where the teacher could not possibly have seen us staying up instead and talking. That was day one of our friendship.
We spent the whole of prep doing this, just enjoying our young 5 year old lives with smiles and fun, the only tears being shed from laughter and nothing more. We didn't know what things out there could break us, or hurt us. We just took everything for what it was. We finger painted when all the bushes were dirty, we hid the nice dresses from everyone else, we had matching skirts, we were the ones who would start the sand fights. We got into trouble with each other but we shared our glory moments together. We were basically inseparable. You never saw one without the other. We truly believed we were twins, separated at birth, the first four years of our lives being the only where we weren't together.
We shifted into the first grade. We screamed in excitement upon realising we were in the same class. We spent the second grade still, with just shouts and giggles, and the third still without a single fight. In those 4 years, She already knew everything about me, and I about her. When we entered grade 4, we turned the age of 9 what we thought was mature enough to make our own decisions. Because after all, we were the leaders. We were the girls that made the rules and broke them ourselves. We were the girls that lived the way we wanted to live. We were the girls that saw what we wanted to see, listened to what we wanted to hear, felt what feelings we wanted to feel.
In grade 4, that was when we started our stupid and pointless arguments about the most foolish things. I don't even remember what about but I can recall crying on the shoulder of another close friend. We never fought for more than a day but our fights, would make me so upset because it was then did I realise I would be nothing without her. I would not be happy, she was my best friend and she knew me so well. Whether it be through scraped knees, real tears, or broken hearts, we suffered together. Always. She was there to witness my dramatic ball-hits-face encounter, to comfort my wounded soul, to hold me when I cried. I was oblivious to the fact that she was sometimes the reason for the salt I had to wash off my face at the end of the day.
But the ways she hurt me were so subtle, I didn't even realise. Or maybe I didn't want to realise. Like I said before, "We were the leaders. We were the girls that made the rules and broke them ourselves. We were the girls that lived the way we wanted to live. We were the girls that saw what we wanted to see, listened to what we wanted to hear, felt what feelings we wanted to feel."
But she did something one day after 6 years of friendship, we were 11 and I had fallen "in love" and so had she. I won't tell the whole detailed story, but the short version was, she cut me off. She heard a rumour that I had supposedly started about her, and she believed the boy she fell in love with over me. She chose him. She chose this little, insignificant boy over her own best friend. We made up after a month or so but our friendship was never really the same after that. I was unable to trust her the same way.
Despite all that though, I still loved her like a sister. I was saddened by the fact I had to let her go at the end of Primary school. And when I did, it was the hardest thing I had done. She was there for everything.
We didn't really keep in touch with each other during high school, and looking back, I realise how important she was to me. But I also think she influenced me negatively. Had I not been friends with her, I would not have looked down on so many people, I would not have been such a bitch. But in that way, I am grateful, she was the reason for the way I acted but I never would have learnt from that mistake.
I don't know who she is anymore, what she does, where she is, but I want to wish her the best of luck.
Thanhy xoxo
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