RIP

This isn't going to change anything. It's not going to bring you back or heal the deep wounds in the people who loved you. It's not going to make me feel better. It's just not going to change anything. 

I didn't know you. I mean I did, but I didn't know who you were really. What was your favourite colour? What did you like to eat when you were sick? Who were you? That wasn't how I knew you.

I knew you by the hour I spent with you each week. I knew you by the way you'd talk to me about school and all it's pressures. I knew you by the way you walked so confidently, smiled so broadly, by the way you treated us. 

I found out yesterday. I thought to myself, "Wow. That's so sad." That's all.

Then I went to bed. The realisation didn't hit me until I closed my eyes. 

I couldn't stop thinking about you. 

Never have I dealt with grief before. 

I sat still as I heard the news for the second time. It was like it was being confirmed. 

I sat still. 

I left that room as quickly as I could and I walked. As I walked, I broke down. I couldn't. It was the first time I had cried since hearing about you. 

She took me by the arm and walked with me to wash my face. The water did nothing to clear away the tears. 

You were so kind. You were so happy and supportive and beautiful and I know that you will be missed. 

Rest In Peace. 

With grief,

Thanhy xoxo